the drive

Driving from Arizona to California this week was refreshing...Just being alone in reflection was very much needed... All that is going on around me and in life I was stripped from for five hours and was able to think through, ponder, and pray about. Just thinking about my future the mystery of what is to come and the ways in which I want to be open to growing and changing in this time right now. Time with family and loved ones at home really caused me to look at myself and ask where do things need changing and transforming in my life, how can I be aware and open to this. The beauty of the mountains, desert, and nothingness surround me as I sat in silence for a while then listened to a man on CD by the name of Rick Mckinley. He was speaking on Heaven being here on earth which I know sounds absurd because realistically things seem more like its hell on earth these days. That was the beauty of it all...its God's working through us and transforming us to then work through us as humans to bring heaven here on earth through each others lives. What a beautiful thing. Its messy but amazing. There was an example that he gave of these two young women that wanted to find an apartment complex and help out any way they could. Why a random apartment complex? Well the girls found this random apartment complex and prayed about it before they actually went in to see what they could do to help out. It turned out to be a complex where they take young mothers who are given one last chance to turn their lives around and go through recovery for drug abuse and different things of the sort so that the government will let them keep their babies and raise their own children in healthy circumstances. The girls went in knowing that this is where they were led to serve and asked what they could do to help out. They started out by just watching and holding these babies while moms went to classes. People asked and were curious why the two girls were just hanging out to help. The girls just wanted to help there was no other explanation. They just had a heart after God and wanted to offer a helping hand with no obligation that they wanted these girls to go to church or necessarily influence them to become something; no expectations. It sounds sweet but the girls really struggled with being there. Attitudes and looks from the moms were given as the girls watched their babies because the moms had to go to classes. These two some what seemingly good girls were watching their kids. It was challenging. Its like doing something for someone to just help out and all you get is grief back...(who wants to do that) As time passed the girls really struggled to have patience but were determined to suffer through the grief. Eventually they got to know certain moms at the apartment complex and developed relationships with them. The mothers in the home were being loved and served for no reason by these two young girls. Invested time to hear the moms individual stories and dreams for the future were listened to. This love they were receiving was from God through these relationships, but had no idea. Some more people that the two girls knew came to start helping. There was this sense of community, love without expectation and without judgment, how it should be. ...the story goes on and faith and relationship with God is questioned....amazing..but overall isn't this how we should be living?
Oh how I am thankful for the I-10 drive...

struggles

Pushing through the sheets
You strain to see light
As the light holds to the white linen
The clouds of a silhouette through the sheet grow dim
The light of relief and joy that seemed close
No longer it remains
Tears of fear, questions will this darkness ever end
As you wonder and wait and wander some more
Choices, which does one make…
Questions, doubt.
Things become completely black
The memory of light which once remembered
Where is the silhouette that appeared just moments before
Do you hold onto the memory of it or let go
Truth comes to mind
As the thoughts of this so called truth seem very faint
Striving to remember the clarity in this truth
Just to catch a glimpse
As it appears a moment of being content draws near
Silence arrives the silhouette appears
All is calm as the heart is mended
The fight for life